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Interview with John Cheese from Cracked.com
John Cheese uses his spare time to be the Avatar and bend the four elements.
A brief introduction for the clueless ones…
Several years ago, one of the best places to get a good laugh on the Internet was «pointlesswasteoftime.com«. It was the website of a guy who used the pseudonim “David Wong” (even nowadays), and wrote comedy articles, and where sometimes his best friend “John Cheese” (also a pseudonim, most likely in reference to british comedian John Cleese) would also make funny stuff.
It was in this website where David Wong published his horror comedy novel “John Dies at the End”, usually refered to as JDatE. Long story short, the novel got well known, was published on paper and David Wong merged his website with Cracked.com, which was already becoming one of the most important comedy websites on the Internet.
So, what happened to John Cheese? … Well, he got into a fistfight with life itself until they became friends once again, and after getting things straight he now writes articles for Cracked.com, working along his old pal David Wong.
His articles, are almost always funny to read, alternating between pure humor and John’s own life stuff. From his struggle with booze, as to how to realize that you’re finally an adult, or how to try to raise kids… John writes with such a level of honesty and tough humor that it slaps your common sense in the face and leaves you pondering for a while…
And rigth then, in that very moment when your guard is down, he goes ahead and makes a fucking dick joke.
1- You’ve been very open about yourself both in your articles and in Youtube. So by now, the readers should have a basic notion about who you are. But before all that happened, you were mostly known for the character in David Wong’s book, which was extensively described as a larger than life, easy going, drunk, dick joker that used one liners as much as possible. So, how much of the real «you» is in the John Cheese of «John Dies At The End»?
If you go back in time to a point where I was still drinking and wild, constantly throwing parties and just be a huge screw up, John is still an exaggeration of that. I did have a problem with going from job to job (when I wasn’t going half a year or more without one). I did spend my days playing video games and jumping from girlfriend to girlfriend. I did have friends like the members of the fictional band Three Arm Sally, who all thought they were much more awesome than they actually were.
So there is some truth to the Character, only greatly exaggerated to a cartoonish level.
2- Why did you start tweeting from the account «@johnsdick? And most importantly, why did you stop?
A while back, Wong and I put on an alternate reality game for the John Dies at the End universe, leading up to the St. Martin’s hardback release of the book. In doing that, we created several Twitter accounts, including Amy. I created the John’s Dick account as a sort of inside wink to the fans because that’s something that the character of John would actually do.
At some point this year, you should see some more activity from that account. *WINK!*
3- Can you briefly describe what your new book is about? And what motivated you to write it in the first place?
It’s a more detailed version of my «life» articles on Cracked, except not in article form. At its roots, it’s basically, «I used to be a massive fuckup. Now I’m not. Here’s how.» I want it to be able to reach people in crappy situations and show them how it’s possible for them to escape and change for the better. However, at no point will I be reproducing article that I’ve already written. I’ll pull some points here and there because that’s a necessity. But this will be all new material in book form — no lists besides the numbers of the chapters.
4- What would be your ideal opponent in a fight to the death?
Chuck Liddell. Because he could do it really fast. Unless you meant a fight that I could win… in which case, the entire staff of the show «Finding Bigfoot.» I’d be all like, «I’ve found Bigfoot. Check your assholes.»
5- You’re now working as a comedy writer. Wich means you get paid to make dick jokes. While the rest of us get paid to read them while our bosses aren’t looking. How is a regular work day for you?
It’s tight, but I wouldn’t take it back for anything in the world. First thing in the morning, I update the JDatE Facebook and Twitter pages. Then, I switch over to moderating the Cracked Cheat Sheets. Then I start my layout work for the day, followed by any column work that needs to be wrapped up. Scattered throughout that, I make time to answer fan mail through Tumblr, maintain my Twitter and Facebook, and try to keep as in-touch with the readers as time will allow. My typical work day is around 12-16 hours. I have had days, though, that I’ve worked for 24 hours solid.
6- In many of your recent articles, you’ve mentioned the positive feedback from your readers. No doubt that you must get a fair amount of hatemail, since Cracked has millions of visitors. How are you affected by both the positive and negative responses?
If I had to make an estimate, I’d say that I get roughly 700 fan mails for every 1 bad mail. The second I realize that a message I’m reading is a bad one, I simply delete it without reading another word. I don’t have the time or the patience to try and convince someone that they liked an article that they clearly didn’t. Very rarely, I will respond to a bad message, but that’s only when I think that the person has actually misunderstood something in the article and they have a calm enough demeanor to give it another shot from a different point of view. But I can count how many times I’ve done that on one hand.
7- Do you make dick jokes all the time, or preserve them just for writing?
I make them constantly. In real life, I use comedy more than in my articles. It’s just that a lot of the comedy I used outside of the workplace doesn’t represent what Cracked is all about, so I keep that stuff to myself and my friends, rather than turn it into a piece.
8- For several years now, there’s been a rumor, that you and David Wong are actually the same person. Any thoughts on that?
Ha! Yeah, we get that all the time. In fact, I have to explain it once a week. The thing is, I work 60+ hours a week. David works 70+ hours a week. On top of Cracked, we both maintain the JDatE universe, as well as try to retain some sense of normalcy in our private lives — he with a wife, and me with a fiance and three kids. We both take care of our housework, groceries, bills… all the stuff that people forget when they think of us as people.
So the thought of David Wong doing all of that (130+ hours a week, not counting sleep) and then still having time to create another personality with a completely different back story, and separate profiles on Twitter, Facebook, the Cracked forums, Tumblr… Going as far as making fake conversations between the two of us on the forums. That’s not only physically impossible, but the levels of insanity a person would have to have to make that all happen is off the charts.
No, we’re two very real people who have been working together since writing on the internet first became a thing.
9- In a recent article you explained that even though you’ve been writing on the Internet for the last ten years, it never occurred to you that it could be an actual line of work. In all that time, did you imagine this as your ideal job, or did you dream about some other career, like Nudist Pro Wrestler?
I’ve wanted to write comedy for a living for as long as I’ve had the internet. I just didn’t think it was possible. Once that became possible, it’s felt like some horribly sick prank — like any second, the guys from Cracked are going to jump out of my closet, laughing, and say, «Oh, man, you thought we were going to give you a career writing comedy? What a stupid fucking douchebag you are!»
10- Any words for your South American fans?
I think it’s awesome that I have fans at all. But picturing fans in another country, in another hemisphere, enjoying the same piece of writing as someone who lives in the same town as me… that’s incredible. Mind boggling, actually. I’m really appreciative of every fan I have. And I have nothing but respect for people who have learned more than one language… and then use that skill to read my dick jokes.
The guys in Diosnoslibre.com are profoundly grateful with John por giving this interview and we would like to extend our most sincere penis to you.
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